categorized this as work
till i realized all that it was
maybe i subconciously hindered
all it could be
i just wish i understood
how precious it was
the moment it started
and that this wasn’t for the fainthearted
until you parted
leaving me unable to restart
like a work of art
i fell apart
you deserve a purple heart
for killing and taking
everything i had
now i’m breaking
shaking
and aching
-
-
hickey on my neck
what a trek
i’ve taken this year
hand me a beer
i’ll tell you all about it
but you’ll probably doubt itit all started in january
a shooting
took a part of the family
but things happen rapidly
people lose their sanity
and we live in agony
and it gives everything a new realitythen we hop down a month or two
and you hear about cancer
and you just want an answer
but it takes them out faster
and the doctor said
sorry, there’s no answerand you fall in love
while it all goes on
and you lose focus
and your closest
starts to lose motion
and you feel brokenthe new love
makes you forget all the bad
but it only worsens
when it starts to get rough
and you can’t get enough
and everything starts to become real
and you lose control of the steering wheelthe cancer takes over
and you lose a dancer
all to lung canceryour loves somewhere
and doesn’t even care
and all you wanted was a hug
but they swept you under the rug
unplugged
and you need a drug
to sleep
and find peacebecause that’s what happens
when your heart breaks
over and over
and you lose all composurei can’t seem to get off this roller coaster
-
lying in the sand
forgetting what reality is
the ocean takes
but i give
too much devotion
i live in slow motion
showing little emotion
occasionally, i stop and think
did i take some potion
why am i always frozen
and so broken
in this moment
feeling stolen
i sit up and look
the pacific ocean
stop and think
why have i lived in such
open implosion
always the coldest notion
i’m losing focus
no longer open
golden
forever living
unspoken -
were you intimidated by all the things i had
i feel like i’ve been reincarnated
and i’m just dated
i feel like i’ve waited
but i guess it’s a little weighted
i have this presence of
i’ve been here before
it’s an essence
and all these faces
there’s no difference
i don’t feel like a legend
i just feel like i’ve been to heaven
and back
and maybe my name was devon
and then evan
maybe kevin
and i worked at 7-11
maybe i lived through the recession
the great depression
this confession
is just an expression
a message
a question
that shouldn’t be brought up
over breakfast
because i could care less
about where i’ve been
and where i’m going
because i’m here now
i’m just floating
and flowing
growing
do you know me
i’m only lonely
because i’ve been here
before
and it’s getting old
living in a trapdoor -
i see you looking
i see you wanting
but you ain’t touching
this is only for show
it’s all that i have
it’s all i know
sitting on the balcony of the chateau
i look below
is this how monroe felt
in the day
and in the night
no peace, all a crime
you all want a piece
and i say take a seat
all i want is something discrete
where i don’t need to compete
no conciet
knock on my door
say trick or treat
i just want something sweet
not another trip down
wall street
sit in our pajamas
feeling complete
not another trip down
main street
so you can feel
all the conciet
give me something real
please -
here i sit
a postcard in front
i admit“it’s me
i’m sitting in a coffee shop
in the south of france
i think about you here and there
and it’s just nice
to know someone
somewhere in the world
misses you
so i’m just writing to let you know
that i miss you”in the daily i thought i was fucking crazy
but essentially
it was naturally hazy
and i had a sense of bravery
to let you know
how much i missed you
amidst
all that went wrong
is that classy?i signed it with
“i hope you’re happy” -
“you’re turning into a wild child”
“that’s what happens when someone breaks your heart”i’ve heard it all too many times
that’s what happens when you’re in your twenties
and you’re feeling empty
and there’s no one in this century
that understands it
and you feel like you’re in a penitentiarybut i mean, it’s the turn of the century
and i wanna make a recovery
have the memories
and the sensory
of all that it was
and all it caused
it’s like a little documentary
and the trajectory was set
and i knew the directory
this was elementary
i’ll treat that memory
like it was an accessory
and i’ll figure it out
‘cause hell
i knew this all too well -
looked me in the eyes
said i drove you crazy
i lie on top
my hands in your hair
lips on your lips
i just look in your eyes
and kiss your forehead
down to your nose
and wonder
all there is to wonder
and it was great
put your hand
feel my heart rate
this is what it felt like
to create
to find your soul matestood at the mirror
i need to lose weight
i walked over to you
grabbed on to you
and told you i liked you
just the way you were
it was cliche
but i meant it
i really meant it
and i wonder
if you resented it -
i’m so mad
i’m so furious
i just miss you
just a little curious
and i didn’t even do
anything wrong
and i just think about
you all day long
and how i don’t belong
in your life
and it fucks me up
to think about you this much
i just scream and shout
in my head
all day long
i go in and out
i guess i’ll start to doubt
anyone that comes
around
from here on out
