in time of this
the sky feels
a type of darkness
one that can touch and peek
through the edges of where we stand
and the stars
they sit along the curve
of where we skip on sidewalks
like children who never learned
that moments eventually end
and time doesn’t make sense
because everything seems to exist
at the same time
what happened
what didn’t
what we wanted
and what we convinced ourselves
could still become
and we no longer talk
because of inconsistencies
we tell ourselves
the little reasons we create
to make distance feel easier
than admitting
maybe one of us wanted this
a little more than the other
i skip between timelines
because time only lasts
as long as we allow it to
and you only made sense to me
in the moments i wanted you to
in the versions i painted
when reality felt a little too still
and i hate that i allowed this
to exist like this
like something unfinished
could somehow finish itself
if i held it long enough
i told myself the shadows pull
but we do not belong to them
that darkness only becomes darkness
when we forget where the light was
and i hate to lie
the way darkness voids the sky
and i sit beneath the clouds
wondering if i still find you here
or if i glide past
what i used to call this
without even knowing
i have finally left it
and i reminisce in disguise
of childhoods i held onto
the summers that felt longer
the nights that didn’t know clocks
the feeling that everything we loved
would somehow remain where we left it
we hate to find
what time has changed
and i hate that i
wanted this more than you did
that somehow it all made sense
inside my head
while you couldn’t coexist
inside the version of us
i longed for
we make holidays
from ordinary days we reminisce about
giving dates meaning
because something happened there
because someone touched us there
because for a moment
we thought it might last
but they bring a type of sadness
i only know how to dream about
and i call them dreams because
somewhere inside them
we still exist together in time
nightmares carry something
we know to find terror in
but this feels loving
like two birds before they fly
sitting close enough
to feel the movement of each other’s wings
like two squirrels finding time
beneath the trees
to listen
to feel
to exist without wondering
which one will leave first
and i dream about
all the things i never got to say
the sentences that still sit
at the edge of my tongue
the questions i already knew
the answers to
the feeling i kept giving meaning
because meaning made it easier
to believe it was ours
and maybe one day it’ll fade
the shadows will pull a little less
the dates will become ordinary again
and i’ll stop finding you
inside every version of time
but by then
it’ll be just a little too late
because i’ll have finally learned
how to stop waiting
for something you already knew
you weren’t coming back to
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