this time aches hollow
like wooden boards covered in old numbers
weathered markings
proof that something once stood here
and i lay beside the sound of regard
hoping to answer eventually
once my thoughts learn how to speak clearly
the thing about time
is that it moves so elegantly at first
softly
quietly
until suddenly it doesn’t
sometimes it arrives as chaos
all at once
and nothing unfolds the way we imagined it would
boards split beneath pressure
and we divide ourselves too
into fragments
into spaces between versions of who we were
into the hollowness of the regard
i once struggled to give myself
we make movement toward mountains
not because we expect to conquer them
but because something inside us
needs to understand the climb
and i move through these inner spaces
the quiet corners where i leave myself alone
to converse with white noise
with the hum of fans
the static of late nights
the soft ringing silence
that only appears when no one else is around
my time is spent
mostly alone
days where i feel almost nothing at all
and strangely
i do not always find sadness there
sometimes i find peace
sometimes emptiness feels gentle
like floating rather than sinking
like finally setting down a weight
you forgot you were carrying
we choose how to live each day
and i think that is the strangest beauty of life
we decide whether to notice the clouds
whether to smile at passing light
whether to stop and watch spiders
building fragile webs on windowsills
creating something delicate
that we either preserve
or destroy without thinking
and somehow
that feels deeply human to me
that is how i look at life
i move constantly
yet somehow remain standing still inside myself
and i love this feeling sometimes
the overwhelming ability to feel everything at once
the heaviness
the softness
the ache
the clarity
people forget as they grow older
that experience itself is the thing shaping us
not success
not perfection
but the willingness to fully live through things
so if i stand here one day
knowing i gave nothing at all
what would i even have to mourn
we give ourselves to time
whether we realize it or not
and i choose to let it shake me
because i love the feeling of honesty
settling deep into my bones
even when it hurts
we speak honestly in moments
or we choose silence instead
and allow that silence
to slowly haunt us
i would rather embarrass myself
by loving too openly
than spend my life untouched by experience
because our horrors shape us too
our fears
our heartbreaks
our failed attempts at becoming
we build mountains from them
and spend years learning how to climb
and i would rather stand at the edge of this life
knowing i gave everything i could
than remain a hundred feet behind myself
forever wondering
what might have happened
if i had only tried harder to live
we love through time
through change
through uncertainty
and i love deeply because of that
i love to feel the love i give
without demanding life return it equally
because maybe the point was never
to be guaranteed something back
maybe the point was simply
to feel it honestly
while we were here at all
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