I laid in darkness, in bed with the same song on repeat for hours. I wasn’t sad. I was happy because that’s what happiness was to me.
-
dipping in satan’s touch
i surrender to essence of waves
in minds on end
where thoughts led us
to be with but without
the devil in us
i etch myself in sin
cutting ribs to be within
myself at night
like i whisper to demons in my mind
i spoke to you
like a widows web
overlapping each time
slipping on fine lines
like your back in mine
twined in rhyme
in black
in essence of heaven
rivers to lily pads
jumping from time to line
as words we spoke
conversations i held in my mind
each time your lies felt mine
two hands down my spine
cracking vertebrae
each time -
You choose darkness over light because one is the truth and one is the mask.
-
We’re transcending and I’m pacing for something more than this.
-
Some of our truths are scarier than our horrors.
-
i touch
the tattoos
on your neck
because they’re
the only thing which
seems to make sense in
this like your eyes used to
on tuesday morning in sheets
at your beds edge is where i used
to spend time in all of this
where lights flickered
in heat of morning
in dawn before
hell broke us
and i said
to take
me
to
darker
places like
underneath you
in wake of what we
truly were supposed to be
your eyes in mine broken by
levels of men in essence before lies
became moments enthralled in emotion
disguised by errors of our eve struck
by terror in truth we find horror
but in ourselves is where we
find broken bits twined
with bliss broken
hearts they save
near drawers
by the bed
we used
to lie
in -
have you ever
felt on edge
slipping off your seat
to feel something
worthwhile in
and i talk with ease
etch you into
my blades and neck
vertebrae i bend for
you at night
to slip under sheets
twist without talking
just eyes and emotions
men in motion
broken by lust
to create edge of seats
i breathe you into
my dreams at night
and i suffocate beneath
comforters without comfort
you in thought
with hatred to knees
broken bits
your memory -
I walked the streets looking for something instead of letting what I wanted, to look for me.
-
you die because it makes sense
in a sort of romantic pretense
we lie in a world of black
for eternity
while moments we had reminise
in our minds on edge
will we take what we said and run
or fall into depth of emotion
where we regret the moments we had
instead of turning the page
and remembering faces on a street
voices over voicemails
the little things
like their favorite book on their shelf
touching in kitchens where knives spent
their time in the woods cutting trees
to make fires i spent with you
these are the things which make sense
because we’re twisting in endless moments
searching for something better than the previous
instead of appreciating time comes
time also goes
dancing in diapers in hallways
only happens for so long
you get older
more prone
eyes glisten from experience
places you traveled only become more nostalgic
as we get older because memories seem finer
than they were in truth
but when we’re presented with problems
we look back where was it that bad?
and it wasn’t
because we’re masochists in ourselves
dwelling on moments before the moment could pass
and we age
not to age
but to appreciate life as it was
instead of life as we thought
it was -
I drank because it was lovely and I needed a calm to understand the reality.
