I broke down. Not because I was sad but because our moment was over and we were both too afraid to admit it.
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I screamed your name across the alley and you turned around. What I said didn’t make sense to you. What I said wasn’t for you, it was for me.
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I loved I the most, not because of narcissism, but because no one else is going to love me more than I.
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Relationships which last a week are just as important as relationships that last years. It’s the value of experiencing varying situations, moments, and emotions throughout your lifetime.
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Sometimes we make a lack in judgement because we’re lonely. Occasionally that means falling to understand the pain experience brings. Not all sadness hurts, not all pain is suffering, and not all discomfort lasts. Torment is a virtue in disguise. To experience is to understand and to understand is to be given knowledge.
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in ego i trip
to dance before you
like cells of my walls
i collide with you
against our skin
we shade to believe
in ourselves against one
to twine between sheets
of our song
and i’m calling for you
atop mountains i turn to
like your edges against mine
two into one
and i’m dancing for you
like song in ease
melody in peace
i’m feigning to find
something like all
of us once had
in an age where
truth had no sense
our fingers could bend
but not break
depth was not built
and things had no edges
everything seemed to be soft
like lips of a mothers mouth
i’m calling for you
the past to bring truth
into the future where i
stand at guard
wondering if this is all
phantasm or reality
truth or deity -
i fall from pieces
i sold myself
on past beliefs of a tired self
and i bask in the thought
of thoughts i once had
where things seemed to be
ever at ease
and i wake in the night
to bake in the sun
wade in the thoughts of men in my might
where i tango through rapids
but cave in delight
of lust i once had
and thoughts i long to have
in dire twists at night i take two
thoughts and passion
mixing them too
because what we once had
we long to have
nostalgia sets in and i’m longing
once again
like your eyes in mine
to touch his spine
my fingers against his skin
i feel it again
the hairs on my shin
how they’re standing at edge
with the thought of you
i tangle your hair
through my fingers at night
the way i used to die in might
like the shadows in corners
of your bedroom
fighting for light -
it’s as if
we fell in love on paper
and it curls with water
from tears falling behind imaginary eyes
beyond grasps i had as a child
feigning for something more than
what this seemed to be
because what i see is what i believe
and horrors of hands
don’t quite make sense
before the first scar
the first drop doesn’t hurt the hardest
yet it doesn’t beat the softest
because panic rushes
through the brain
like our souls were once on the same wavelength
ditching borders to create a softness
a kindness was a virtue i held in standard
for your hands against my skin
like a man in the mirror of pure bliss
when i look at you
it’s as if i look at this
a moment in truth
you in twists in dark and the abyss
like a knight in shining armor
in sweater weather
feeding off sullen energy
and i reminisce on this
before that
before twists
before we would coexist
in a world where nothing makes sense
words on paper only mean what you understand
this only goes as far as what you comprehend -
i feel you
like thoughts on edges
of tables i grip
with turning hands
for you and i
this is all i ask
a bow and an arrow
cupid found frowning
for your depth i walk
between streets at night
i sing you a song
oasis and nature
scribbles on hotel paper
from mountains of switzerland
where i drink you in tune
to stars at night
‘twas the perseids on august ninth
the wine i felt in twenty degrees
before lakes of reflections of lights in the sky
and i twirl around to make water move
the rapids seem to pull
from edges i whirl
unusual we go
for you i fall
tired movements on gravel
slipping on rounds
as i bask in the castle of my own
you wake before you fall
you fall before you wake
the song i sung in the mountains
was for you to take
for i to feel
for the emotion to leave
and i to take what was given
and give it to stars at night
to transcend to another
to feel what it’s like
to feel something
at all -
i descend into what i believe
to transcend into moments of you
like dark hues under eyes i used to pour into
i break into motions with men i fought on a darkened end
of streets where i scoured to find signs in the night
like which way to write, which way was right
and i prose you in thought
a slumber in deep hum
a hymn to a rhythm, a tango i once fought
in front of desire and passion
the way you hold a lighter in echoed moments
from mountains atop midnight
where i eclipse my mind and transcend to find out
how i used to sleep at night
in dire moments with a rhythm of you
as we’re slow dancing to a cause i fail to see
yet hide to ignore
because beauty sees and the ego hides in what it wants
like melting with you
holding onto past mirages of men in might
in false knight armor
darkened elixirs to bring desire
i paint you a picture
for what you want to see
i breathe you into a world where
i paint you to be
how i’d like to see
how i’d like you to be
how the fog at night masked you to be
in summer of thirteen
