mid-week
you got sick
wanted to bring you a gift
didn’t need to lie down, watch a flick
just drop off some meds, some food
a few gifts
i could’ve stayed
made you dinner
or left just like winter
but i worried
head stayed buried
everything was blurry
sometimes i still worry
no fury
there were things you kept hidden
i respected
but you really disconnected
and i’m not sure why
did you think i couldn’t handle it?
would bolt from it?
my face would’ve stayed unaffected
i put piece to piece
i kind of already suspected
but i could’ve been wrong all along
but i think that says more
that i wouldn’t shut the door
deplore or explore the shore
i knew what i wanted
i know that’s rare
haunting
maybe one day you’ll read this
and understand
i was rather something
December 2013
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Read more: signs of sickness
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Read more: six years old
you’re older
but i’ve used those tricks
i started at six
i’ve read the script
ignorance is bliss
kissed the lips
took quick trips
used whips
seen an eclipse
left the ship
jumped the steps
wished a wish
lived an abyss
loved a phillips
grabbed the hips
i’ve done this
and i still miss itforget it
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Read more: the first note
the mood of your song
sound of the gong
the vibrations
soft hitting strong
how i sung the song
i feel so gone
so long, all alone
you like the throne
have me stoned
what a hoax
should’ve known
at first note -
Read more: dreaming when i’m leaving
dreamed of you
lied on top of you
made a joke
you said something about leaving
and i said just like the last time
it was sad
i wasn’t even mad
i just wondered if you felt bad
or if you felt glad and free
like this is the way it was supposed to be
but even after it all, even in my dreams
i told you that you were perfect
and i reflect like you’re this object
that i can’t seem to get over, to accept
we just speak in different dialects
i was really direct, wanting intellect
didn’t really know what to expect
‘cause it was all new
just out of the blue and so unusual
my mood, my moon
you were so cute
i had so much room
remember when i said send me a picture
you in your new suit
how you just ignored and played it cool
why couldn’t you speak the truth
why were you so rude
why did you come and leave so soon
why did you pursue
if you knew? -
Read more: no fake smiles in our dreams
smile so beautiful
you make it so fake
it’s something everyone can take
no rhyme, no reason
live in treason of your own
we live in seasons
know no freedom
sit in prison of evil
near the horizon of the venetian
so many secrets
sometimes love is uneven
making you sleepless
giving all and causing weakness
it’s not easy
but i know in my dreams
i’ll be free -
Read more: you
lookin’ for you in all the wrong places
no location, no vacation
hiding from the nation
famous faces aren’t so gracious
rather be wasted in the station
going through phases
feeling so jaded
ever so tainted
feeling so faceless
i’ve already stated
i’ve already waited
i’ve dated
kissed faces
felt a strong hatred
stood before greatness
debated you
degraded myself for you
sat in patron because of you
all i wanted was you
all i still want is you -
Read more: out of my zone
feeling so alone
so down to the bone
everything was blown
now i just lie prone
wish i would’ve known
some can’t grow
always so far out of zone
constant thoughts saying don’t
just a broken tone
should’ve used the stepping stones
just gone with the flow
instead i lost control
just stuck in this hole
so far below
you don’t even know -
Read more: blue
i’ll break you in two
let me repent from you
secluded, this is stage two
needed recluse to hide from abuse
there’s no excuse
burns bring blues, flames too
just a wild goose
that looked back and said deuce -
Read more: resilience
conservative in the wild
tainted, listening for a dial
standing under the moonlight
side comments, so short and quaint
stimulating my brain
no words could explain
standing in the rain, i liked it this way
nothing could convey
always thinking of this place
this day
the motion
your words
the clothes
the composure
the coincidences
the wild roller coaster
how my life became colder
how you threw the cold shoulder
how you just closed the folder
but in retrospect, i realize it was smolder
i assumed intellect came as you grew older
not everyone’s articulate
sometimes words are rather difficult
but the moments stay intimate
taste of cinnamon
i’ll always keep the vision
you and i, standing in the kitchen
these words i’ve written
you’re not a villain
i’ll always think of you for a trillion
thanks a billion -
Read more: your figure
full cheeks, small ears
i see those and sudden fears
years surpass, it lasts
it’s just a fact
there’s no way off the raft
no taking off the mask
so many drafts
i really liked your calves
your hands
taking off your pants
it’s all math
and sometimes you subtract
i guess this is my path
