it was subconscious
the goodbye
that’s why i squeezed tight twice
i knew you were going
you were growing
omitting me
committing against we
wish i would have sensed when it commenced
‘cause now i’m fenced
feeling crisscrossed
i just want to defrost
’cause this feeling
of being lost, tossed and smothered in frost
frozen glass
flip me like an hourglass
i’m ready at last
no looking at the past
take me
fast
November 2013
-
Read more: outside my car
-
Read more: twenty eight
28
i don’t mean to hate
but don’t you think it’s a little late
to figure out what you want
in this game where we’re supposed to create
but all you do is alienate
hold a weight
it’s over your head
it’s all unsaid, but honey
i don’t want you to dread
end up dead
‘cause i see the way you tread
i just want you ahead
but instead you embed
all these emotions in your head
it’s like a thread
you’re hanging
and you don’t know which way to go
just flip a switch
your life will enrich
figure out what you want
it’ll no longer taunt
and you’ll no longer haunt
and maybe that’s mean
but we’re not sixteen
you need to believe
i know you’re not naive
i just want you to achieve
and maybe i preconceive all these notions
but it’s just a motion
and i have this devotion
i feel like i’m floating in the ocean
lost at sea
don’t you agree
i know i’ve asked you before
what you wanted to be
and you had no clue
all i want is you to come through
bring to
debut
a new you
’cause i love you
more than you’ll ever know -
Read more: so wise i’ll leave you cross-eyed
wild child with a way of surprise
look me in the eyes
i’m wild, i’m wise
i’ve seen all kinds of skies
i know the lies
i’ve had spies
worn the disguise
had a demise
but look at me
i rise
i hear the cries
and i’ve had highs
rolled snake eyes
didn’t comprimise
‘cause i know everything dies
and there’s no good guys
you can’t decriminialize
i’ll leave you cross-eyed
i’m the prize
no matter how many times you try
i’m just a wild child that you despise
with a way of surprise
that makes you want to die
where’s my nobel prize -
Read more: a phone call
overbearing, didn’t use it quite so right
but i knew what you meant
love wasn’t quite so spent
but that was your two cents
selfish, used that right
but i refused and excused
yet i shouldn’t have
guess i was confused
yet you sat there amused
in my torture
turning into such a scorcher
listening to your order
why couldn’t i take notice
jump the border
sat so hopeless
so broken
going through the motion
got your gun loaded
i stood frozen
at my lowest
out of focus
struck your hocus pocus
and i believed all
felt deceived
‘cause i knew you perceived
this as what i had
but potentially saw bad
yet sequentially
ignored common law
and went mad -
Read more: turn of evil
i don’t want to be nice
give advice
suffice anymore
i want it all
feel it all, nonchalant
taunt a soul
create a hole
feel whole
no longer console
be a troll
and control
everyone i take in
break them in
make them mistake
be a snake
feel phosphorus
be intolerant
have a doctorate
in fucking
people
over -
Read more: prison of fame
bring me shame
let me know pain
try to keep me tame
i don’t want fame
let me take your name
look at me
don’t tell me it’s all the same
i don’t want a game
burn in a flame
end up on a wall of fame
because that’s treason
and i have no reason
i want seasons
where nothing is the same
and i’m not used
and abused
and beaten
by a demon
in a business
where there’s no christmas
and i live in distance
and everyone’s a witness
‘cause i’ve seen a mistress
and there’s no forgiveness
it’s a sickness
’cause you’ll never be forgiven
live in fiction
it’s like prisonare you ready for your mission
i mean your audition -
Read more: los angeles
sick in the city
needing a drug
for a friendly love
give it all
take off my henleylie lonely lie
stay right down
and I’ll lie down
and I’ll make that frown
upside down
and cliches will fall fast
as i lie
and look in your eye
i’ll make you want to die
and come alive
another time
it’s a crime
but so sublimelook me in the eye
mime
tell me you’re mine
pull them to the ground
say you’re down
no frown
i’ll let you wear the crown
just let me know you’re downno tears
as i move the hairs
and kiss upon your face
i’ll take you to another date
when you’re free
and no longer hate
this is fate
just you wait -
Read more: a day in boston
i’ve had all the money
connections
places and items
but nothing that i’ve ever wanted
taunted by the ideas
and needing of memories
and i just sat pleading
for something other than my own
and it was unrealistic
misleading, didn’t feel like i was exceeding
and i threw 250
said thank you
but i need a take two
found a way, followed through
but what was so mean
was that your favorite color was green
go figure
i knew that scene
that picture
except you could never consider
and always so bitter
i saw the light flicker
all too often
so i always sat with caution
and one day while you were in boston
it was autumn
and i was about to hit rock bottom
so i gave it a solemn
good bye
and i lost all the problems
and gained a vast knowledge
didn’t gossip
and stayed honest
just like i promised -
Read more: coming to realization
i wish i was five
and i was fine
and i didn’t have to lie
didn’t need someone to be mine
and never felt some incline
never had to stand at the battle line
to find a signnow i just take a sip of red wine
try to align
some star in the sky
always standing on a fault line
nothing can ever be devine‘cause when you grow old
everything begins to show
and it’s hard to lie low
and all you want is to get by
the days begin to pass by
and you grab a pillow
and begin to cry
not looking for a hero
but you look up
look out the window
and realize
it’s no good to live
in limbo -
Read more : 11
you stood there and said
he’s one of the good guys
to your friend
said I was conservative
and proper
and i’m never going to let it go
because it was honest, candid
and it made me find a way from the darkness
i put my hand in my pocket
and just looked at you
smiled and nodded
and made side comments
it was all nonsense
but i felt my monsters
getting a complex
becoming perplex
and out of respect
they began to disconnect
